FRANK: Everybody congratulates you when you retire.

That's your first warning.

Nobody congratulates you before something happens unless there's a pretty good chance you're going to regret it.

You spend forty or fifty years getting up when an alarm clock tells you to. You fight traffic. You answer to people you wouldn't trust to organize a sock drawer. You sit through meetings that should've been emails before anybody knew what an email was.

Then comes retirement.

Freedom!

Except suddenly everybody assumes you're available.

Need somebody to pick them up at the airport? Call the retired guy. Little project around the house? Retired guy. Somebody needs help moving something that weighs approximately the same as a Buick?

Guess who?

Retired? Congratulations! You're Screwed! contains more than 125 observations about this supposedly relaxing stage of life—because somebody had to tell the truth.

It's sarcastic. Occasionally inappropriate. Frequently accurate.

Give it to somebody who's retiring. Give it to somebody who's already retired. Give it to the coworker whose retirement party you're attending while secretly wondering why the bastard gets to leave and you don't.

And if you're buying it for yourself?

Welcome.

You're screwed too.